Here is something that will motivate you for the rest of the day.
TO ALL MY 'NUTTY' FRIENDS
TO ALL MY 'NUTTY' FRIENDS
Have a fabulous STRESS FREE day!
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their arses. The results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their arse is too fat............ 10% of women think their arse is too skinny...... The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
Speeding Ticket
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.
I just did!
INNER PEACE
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we could all do with a little calm. By following the simple advice Iread in an article, I have finally found inner peace.
The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off all the things you have started".
So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started and hadn't finished . And before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Baileys, three Bacardi Breezers, the Jack Daniels,the Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how bloody good I feel.
Spread the word to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
Girlie Wisdom - A Few reasons why we don't do somethings
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget
where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman
gain 5lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what
you are doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your
body and your fat are really good friends.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and
setting fire to my knickers.
Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2
sizes!
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and
then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too
much; impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea
of a perfect day!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like..."You know,
sometimes I forget to eat!" Now... I've forgotten my address, my mother's
maiden name and my keys. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a
special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman
gain 5lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what
you are doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your
body and your fat are really good friends.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and
setting fire to my knickers.
Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2
sizes!
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and
then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too
much; impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea
of a perfect day!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like..."You know,
sometimes I forget to eat!" Now... I've forgotten my address, my mother's
maiden name and my keys. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a
special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
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